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Theres No Hope [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | http://www.freewebs.com/benji_fever ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[23 Mar 2005|07:05pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

im so worried and sad i just dont know what to believe...im just gonna leave u all with something i wrote in my journal the other day wich sums this all up

Lets go back to the times when you cherished me
when everything felt so right
when all i could do was love you
and think about you all night

The times when deep inside you held me
and never let me go
when youre heart was so filled with me
you loved me the most

Youre sweet voice would hum such tender words
as mine would greet you with love.
never would i do you wrong
never would you wish me gone.

Now perfect times are changing
and my world is tumbling down
youre perfect voice has turned to stone
you somehow have let me down

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

[11 Mar 2005|03:18pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Well today someone stole my shoes. The fucking bastards. I have three suspects....Julian....Scott or James. whoever the fuck took em im gonna kill. im so sad. i fucking hate my life. everyone can go to fucking hell.

2 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

[26 Feb 2005|04:42pm]
1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

gahh [24 Feb 2005|05:04pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Well not much happening it was sarahs birthday on like tuesday and she loved her present. i think. I found out for my birthday my parents bought me tickets to the taking back sunday and jimmy eat world show...WOOOOOO...well thats all thats important...
So bored so i thought id fill this out..

Have you

( ) snuck out of the house
(x) gotten lost in your city
saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united
( ) had a serious surgery (Or will)
(x) gone out in public in your
( ) kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
(x) been in a fist
( ) been arrested
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
(xxxxxxxxxxx) swore at your
(x) been in love
(x) been close to love
( ) been to a
( ) been skydiving
( ) broken a bone
( ) been high
( )
(x) skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
( ) gotten
( ) drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten
(x) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
( ) kissed
a member of the opposite sex
( ) kissed a member of the same sex
( )
crashed into a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) had a crush on someone
of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( )
gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend--only to keep them from getting
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new
( ) been to Europe
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone
( ) had a close friend die
( ) been to Africa
(x)Driven over 400
miles in one day
(x)Been to Canada
( )Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a
( ) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( )
Purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) Eaten Sushi
(x) Been
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
( ) lost a
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
( ) done hard
(x) tried killing yourself
( ) fired a gun
(x) purposely hurt
(x) taken
(x) love someone or
miss someone right now

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

Happy Birthdayyyyy [22 Feb 2005|03:01pm]
[ mood | Birthsay mood! ]

Woot Woot sarahs birthday! have a great day sarah!
Go my present like come on a moneen cake and umm something else that i cant speak of...you must love me!
Go Sarah
Its Your Birthday
Were gonna party like its your birthday
Gonna sip bacardi like its your birthday
and you know we dont give a fuck cause its your birthday!

haha best wishes sassy
Love you

Peace out

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

Give Me All Your Poison [13 Feb 2005|01:46pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

I just got back from uhh starburger and subway with alex. shes cool yes, yes. i miss adam this is my fourth consecutive day without talking to him...maybe he'll be the next matthew tillerman. who knows? im so depressed today im like shut down. everything around me is crumbling. my cousin has cancer, my great aunts dying, my boyfriends stopped talking to me, my friends are getting mad at me. I dont know what to do. On the bright side i found out who stole my roxy shirt...turns out she ripped it too! well shes paying me on monday. Right now im so sad that im physically sick and i think im about to vomit. All i want is someone to listen but i cant really trust anyone. i realli hope buddy gets better and i dont know what i can do.

I have to go clean my room. Give me something to do
Peace Out

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

You Bring The Gun And Ill Pull The Trigger [11 Feb 2005|04:10pm]
Hey everyone...
Today i miss buddy. Im not particularly sure why but i do and i hope he bets cancer. school was le boring i made an add for my magazine and it was 12 and a half instead of thirteen haha... Boo im bored. *yawn* i shall go....goin to the movies tonite...

Peace <3 Becca
2 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

I Lied To Myself And Said It Was For The Best [09 Feb 2005|05:45pm]
[ mood | Horrible ]

Im pretty down today.
My Cousin buddy has cancer, hes dying and i wish that i could do something.
My friends got some shit going on and im trying to be here for her.
I realised how much life is taken for granted.
buddy hes 20, he was always calling out for help but noone would here him and now that hes dying everyones there for him....i dont know. i just hope i get to see him and im praying now. I dont even know what i believe but im praying again. He doesnt deserve this he deserves better i just wish that he was happy. Right now nothing matters besides this.
I want to thank Sarah surprisingly shes here for me and i dont know how much i can thank her. And if you ever wanna talk im here for you too! i hope you know that i really appreciate you and i really respect you as a friend...THANK YOU!
Ive been crying for a while now and now im just blank emotionless i dont care about anything right now. ive just been thinking about memories ive had with him and thinking about how mean ive been . i wish i could take it all back but i cant and i want to die for that.
I dont know if i should be sad and i feel that its unfair that i am sad but....i cant help it just i remember when i was younger how much i looked up to him he was like my hero. noone knew but i loved him! he was hilarious and he was so nice. when he started to get mean i kind of just lost that but now that i know what has been going on i wish that i hadnt. hes the most amazing person i know. hes had to put up with all of this and i respect him more then anything.

Im just going to go....Thank You Everyone

3 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

See the world through THESE eyes [03 Dec 2004|03:05pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Well Hello everyone!
so fucking cold here in whitby. I just got back from florida and now im freezing my ass off. Ive made an oath not to call anybody and to see who cals me. apparently everyone thinks im sick therefore im gonna see who ophones and tells me to get better so far its a zero but i still have hope. the sad thing is if i died i swear noone would know. since i wasnt at school they assumed i was sick and normally they call to see where you are well guess what noone did. so i guess if i get molested on my walk home from school then im screwed. Im in such a bad mood for some reason. mayb its becuase i have no friends that realise im gone. and maybe its ecuase noone ever comments on my journal. besides sarah. i wish i wasntt so sensitive. i was just told recently by my so called best friend that i cry over spilled milk. it pissed me off so much i mean, most people havent been thorugh alot of what uive been through and i dont appreciate them saying shit like that to me. also i decided not to make anymore friends and let people decide for themeselves who i am. also ive decided to not let people know how i feel to hide my emotions so i dont get hurt again. maybe itll ork who knows? Anyays ive had eough of complain time for today so im gonna go, i would say good-bye but whos there to read it.

4 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

Like pictures friends are worth one thousand words. [09 Nov 2004|04:24pm]
Well, helo kids....
i realised today a very valuble lesson frineds arent worth as much time and effort i put into them, friends arent that great whyd i ever think they were so important? i dont know mayb someday ill have friends but not for a long time...quite frankly im not gonna trust anyone anymore, my trust has been broken shattered like a glass window would shatter wehn shot with a bullet, ive been stabbed in the back too many times to count and i dont want to put up with this shit anymore, today i walked away from a friendship that meant more to me then anything. i lost a best friend, a confidant and as i walked a way i felt a large weigt lift off my shoulders like everyting was okay but shortly afterward i realsied not everythings okay and im not going to be alright, i need someone a friend but i dont know if i can put effort into a friendship when i cant put my full trust into it, that friend i walked away from was a great friend but she never showed it and maybe if she did once and for all maybe then i wouldnt be writing this journal entry. I just wish she would invite me over or call and maybe even tou were not friends anymore she could call me and try and work things out, maybe, maybe shell read this and think about how much she means to me and hopefuly how much i mean to her but for know im gonna go i need to write, or cry or something....

peace out everyone thanx for the good times........
Becca ,#
8 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

Thank you for showing me that best friends cannot be trusted.... [06 Nov 2004|10:01pm]
[ mood | broken ]

I think im gonna give up.
give up on all of this.
just pack my belongings and leave.
run far, far away. lately it seems that everything has been going wrong. All i realy want is someone to talk to and i cant even turn to my best friend for closure. i guess some things are looking up well now i have a best friend and all but im wondering if thats such a great thing afterall i mean,if someone was really great enough to be considered your best friend why would they put you through so much pain and agony. arent they supposed to be the ones you talk to about stuff like this? and this girl laura has been talking shit about me and it got me thinking, i really do need to lose those extra pounds and i guess i should buy some new clothes. and i guess whats really getting me down is sarah, would i be happier if i just gave up on this whole friendship, i mean sure i wouldnt have to worry about her but its just so hard to give up on something youve been trying so hard to keep together for this long. and i love sarah shes a great friend but it seems lately shes been changing, but i dont want that for us you know...in the words of good charlotte 'some say that time changes best friends can become strangers but i dont want that no not for you if you just stay with me we can make it through' its just when i met sarah i thought maybe id found a new friend for life, but that was last year when she wasnt friends with all the people shes frieds with now and when she hadnt decided that im trying to run her life. i just want us to be able to work things out. Another thign is, why cant I ever be the prety one, when i stop to look at where i am right now i realise that everyone else is so much better off then me. why cant guys think im hot you know? i just wish for once a decent guy would want to go out with me, a sweet, romantic type.....who writes songs and loves me more then anything in the world. basically just matt but real this time. and i want friends, melissa shes great i dont know what id do without her, i could never tell her that on a serious note but i really probably wouldnt be here without her. and robin thank god for her she had the potential of the best friend ever,but lately its just like everyones mad at me...im trying so hard to fit in but i just cant be what everyone wants me to be. i have my own beliefs and hopes and dreams and i dont understand why everyone cant just understand that. what the fucks with this world everyones insane! well im gonna stop complaining because noone ever reads this in the first place and im gonna go to my room and attempt writing something.....maybe a song? and then wallow in my pain until i fall asleep to face another wonderfull day.

rock on and yada yada yada you know the drill

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

[15 Oct 2004|05:21pm]
Meh nothing too new. i went out with karen last nite. we drove around aimlessly for like 2 hours then stopped to have dinner
it was fun. I went to kristas tuesday that was fun too. im kinda down rite now so im not gonna post much more
leave me a comment pleaseeee
peace out + rock on
2 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

A Place In Wich A Death Warrant Is Born Sent To All And They Will Mourn [11 Oct 2004|04:57pm]
Well today was boreing as hell. i did NOTHING.well that was a lie i watched thirteen...well the very end of it that is and i talked on msn. i finally tlaked to emzly. she writss benji thingys...my hero! turns out shes scottish :o its actually quite shocking. o and i found this wicked website www.killerpumpkins.com its cool shit. im gonna buy a shirt from there when i get some moolah. im also excited cause krista can coem to the concert. sa-uite! anyways i shall go ill probably update this more times before the day is done today.

Peace out N Rock on
<3 becca
1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

[11 Oct 2004|11:59am]
[ mood | blah ]

Alritey...soooo lets start at saturday. i made brownies from scratch and they were retty damn good if i do say so myself. and then i hung out with alex allll day we had so much fun hahahaa she drew a yamacha on my turkey and ringlets now its a 'turkish rabi'Zing! hahaha good times good times. also saturday i found out that moneen are playing on the 22nd and im going! WOOT WOOT. krista may be going and robin but fo shiz im going with sassy. later on that nite i went to chads and had kalalu....man that shits good. okay now sunday......i woke up and got dressed then Davey was home and we all watched pool hall junkies. then we went to lornes for din din. it was soooo much fun! i sat on daves lap and played euchre and then me and my nephew hung out together man that kid sure as hell loves me! and me and karen played crazy eights with half a deck of cards....the sad thing is we never realised it till after we played...haha o and then we played euchre i beat her ass at both games go me! now today....i watched charlies angels with my bros and now were just being lazy davey jones was chasing the dog singing 'i smell bacon i smell pors watch out iggie i got a fork' hah i love him...then he was practasing kung fu in the kitchen? hes insane he was trying to teach me circular hand again...its a lost cause.

Anyways later on this week im going to the mall tuesday to buy mine and sarahs and her sisters tix to moneen then wed. im going to kiestas to watch thirteen....then on thurs im going to see first daughter or wicker park with karen and on friday im sleeping over at robins adn maybe ill go to sassys on sat. to meet that dude she loves.

anyways im gonna go. i should try and phone sarah and then im gonna tackle dave so ttyl

U know U love Me
rock on N Peace out
<3 Becca

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

[03 Oct 2004|04:02pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Man i love LFO <3 go summer girls! "Summer Girls" Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer Do you remember, Do you remember? ...when we met..That summer?? [Chorus] New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits Chinese food makes me sick. And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, I'd take her if I had one wish, But she's been gone since that summer.. Since that summer [Verse 1] Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span, Met you one summer and it all began Your the best girl that I ever did see, The great Larry Bird Jersey 33 When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet Billy Shakespere wrote a whole bunch of sonnets Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad, Left one day and never came back Stayed all summer then went back home, Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speakin Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton When I met you I said my name was Rich You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch [Chorus] New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits Chinese food makes me sick. And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer,for the summer I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch, I'd take her if I had one wish, But she's been gone since that summer.. Since that summer [Verse 2] Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie Used to hate school so I had to play hookie, Always been hip to the B-boY Style Known to act wild and make girls smile, Love New Edition and the Candy Girl Remind me of you because you rock my world You come from Georgia where the peaches grow They drink lemonade and speak real slow You love hip hop and rock n roll Dad took off when you were 4 years old There was a good man named Paul Revere I feel much better baby when you're near You love fun dip and cherry Coke, I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke When I met you I said my name was Rich You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch [Repeat Chorus] Bridge In the summertime girls got it goin on, Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song Summertime girls are the kind I like, I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike [Verse 3] Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks My mind takes me back there oh so quick Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Lipit Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese, Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees Call you up but whats the use I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose Came in the door I said it before,I think I'm over you but I'm really not sure When I met you I said my name was Rich You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch repeat Chorus [Bridge] In the summer girls come and summer girls go Some are worth while and some are so so, Summer girls come and summer girls go Some are worth while and some are so so, Summertime girls got it goin on Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song Summertime girls are the kind I like I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike [Repeat Chorus]

2 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

[23 Sep 2004|08:42pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]

Hey chick and kid vicious'

Just stoppin in to post my daily update! fun fun fun.... Well sorry i dont think i posted yesterday or the day before maybe...well yesterday Alison walked home wit me and we watched mean girls ate mickey d's listened to MUSIC Hung out in the hammock and then decided what were gonna wear to the Jack and jill party saturday Were gonna be twins with blue hawaiin halters grass skirts with a ring of hawain style flowers around the top and were pinnin back our hair with 2 hawaiin flowers and that fake hawaii grass.I made up with scott (shhhh i secretly still hate that fucker) hes not makeing life any easier on himself calling everyone a bitch o well. Its over now THANK GOD remindme NEVER to ask out a guy like that EVER again. Omg if any of you have heard the bootlegs version of GC i just find this very funni at the end of Waldorf worldwide instead of saying 'on the movie screens'they say 'in waldorf Maryland' hahaha sorry i find stoopid things humourous. ANYWAYS today part of my package came, i had phys-ed and I CAUGHT THE FOOTBALL! GO ME!!!!! and i had dance class and missa came it was fun! and tomorrow melissas prollie sleepin over and im either going to the movies or the mall and uhhh saturday is the jack n jill thingy and yeah....FUN fun FUN fun. Uhhhhhh I think im gonan go on a diet and lose a couple of extra pounds ive been carrying since summer. and yes........well im getting quite boreing so ill prollie just go.
Thanx for your time bebs Love Yall

You know you love me ;)
Rock on & Peace Out
<3 Becca

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

Questioning Fate [20 Sep 2004|03:41pm]
[ mood | Benji.....Need i say more? ]

Okay not much happening. Im about to take a quiz on teen people to see wich gc guys right for me better be benj me and him are soooooo meant to be. Isnt that obvious? Today at school I think i broke up with scott WOOT WOOT but i think he said he loved me :( i felt bad but screw that and uhhh i told sarah how much i hate her i wish she wasnt such a bitch sometimes. Im gonna post the chorus from ma new song up at the end of this. ummmmmm right now im sooo unsure about my friends but o well. and I have piano and I mite be going jogging

Thats all for today
You know you love me
Rock on and peace out
<3 Becca

Chorus to ' But There is an end in friend'

Friends Until The End
Friends forever we will be
Well im sorry my dear friend
But friends is something we cant be

(Bet you can guess who i wrote this one about haha)

1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

To Lie or not to lie That is the question [19 Sep 2004|03:19pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Okay so today i went to a barbacue with melissa at heyber downz its for like my moms work. it was quite fun but melissa left early and then i was kinda bored but meh. this little girl there met bob the builder man i resent her i want to meet him and she had all these bob toys that have been discontinued...THATS BULL *#%$! Oh and ashley (loser from school) in my grade was there oh god she bugs me. what the fuck does she think shes doin there anyways her BROTHER is just a bus boy not like anyone else works there GOD. sorry it just pissed me off.

On another note im feeling kind of bad cause i dont think i like scott and i asked him out. Now im not sure what to do. I think im gonna just cheat on him at the dance and get him to dump me. But then ill feel like an asshole. After all we were like best friends but now hes just annoying. hes so immature i like older guys anyways. i sound like im a self centered full of my self bitch but i know im not pretty and this may be my onli chance with a guy thats not completely blind although he does were glasses sometimes......and alot of girls DO like him. I Dont know what to do maybe ill get lauren to kiss him so i can yell at him and say he was cheating on me and then dump him. Tell me if i sound like a bitch. Its just i dont want to lead him on for a long time and then let him find out that i dont really lke him I need help!

Oh i talked to sarah yesterday. I wish that things could be the same between me and her but it just cant oh well. I cant wait till september 1st HELLA YEAH hayden shore! oh and my package should be coming like friday! omg two good things in one day considering that karen and josh are coming home too. YES! WOOT WOOT!

Well im gonna get going and take some benjiness quizzes! omg if you guys like benji go to www.quizilla.com/users/so_young_so_hopeless/quizzes or www.liverjournal.com/users/xxnotforeverxx

Better Go now!
You know you love me
Rock On And Peace Out

4 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

Cruel To Be Kind [18 Sep 2004|01:19pm]
HELLOOOO fellow livejournal goers
Im angry i havent been updating this ... sorry! well for anyone who cares that is. Well alot has been happening i dumped my bf matt im goin out with scott now uhhhh i went to the best party EVER last nite, me and sarah are no longer friends, Karen left with josh and said she wasnt comeing back but now she is WOOT! i get my good charlotte package in like a week! and I have the best new class. Im gonna start updating this more often so ill keep you up to date and you can catch up. Ive been writing some songs ill post them at the end of this entry tell me what you think ive onli just started this so be truthful. Give me any pointers you can please. Uhhh nothing much else is happening in my life im pretty boreing actually. Im gonna go now so reply please i love you all!

Rock On And Peace Out

~'Want to leave'~
(Rebeccas Attempt at song writing)

Alone so cold and silent,
just me in this lonely room,
I feel as if theyve left me here,
It seems theyve all moved on.

It hurts sometimes to think,
That no ones here with me,
and just when things are alright,
they all seem to leave.

What if i try to tell them?
Will anyone believe?

Even though theyre here,
Right here with me,
it always seems,
They all just want to leave,
And go so far away,
So far away from me.

Now im sitting here,
My heart it seems to bleed,
With just my thoughts in hand,
I try so hard to scream,
With one big gasping breath no words escape,
Theyll never here my suffering.

What if i try to leave?
Run so far from here?
Will anyone believe?
What is it that I fear?

Even though theyre here,
Right here with me,
it always seems,
They all just want to leave,
And go so far away,
So far away from me.

Alone in the cold tonight,
with tears my eyes glisten,
so many tears ive cried,
Noone seems to listen.

Everynight this place is silent,
but in my head its not,
unforgiving words consume me,
pure hatred are my thoughts.

And they all say they want to know,
What the hells wrong with me?
They think they really care,
But if they really did...

Even though theyre here,
Right here with me,
it always seems,
They all just want to leave,
And go so far away,
So far away from me.

Would they have done this?
Would they have ever left me here?
Will they ever learn oh will they, will they?
Will I ever get my have my turn?
Or will they all think im crazy?

Even though theyre here,
Right here with me,
it always seems,
They all just want to leave,
And go so far away,
So far away from me.
5 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

OMG!! I Got Robbie! [06 Aug 2004|09:07pm]

Radio Free Robbie's got that natural hotness that comes from just being himself, and not necessarily being a pretty boy. That kind of guy rules, 'cause a lot of times they don't even get how hot they are, so all the girl drool doesn't go to their heads. Robbie's romantic and sentimental side would probably make him a really devoted boyfriend. But his stubbornness and philosophical convictions might cause some drama. Some people would way rather have that drama than just listen to their boyfriend say "yes" and "whatever" all the time though... and we suspect you're one of them.

hehe i got robbie AGAIN

Your aura seems Robbie-colored. He's the heart-on-his-sleeve, thoughtful, sweet, kinda competitive, motivated... oh, and don't forget "curious" one (hence the Question Mark). You may or may not share those qualities, but you did have some Robbie-style answers.
1 Broke Me| Take All Of Me

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